About a month ago, I had a wickedly weird car accident. About 500 feet away from my house, my car was hit broadside and flipped four times. I’ve heard it so many times from so many people: I could have died. I get that, I still freak out about it. Almost every day.
So this blog is changing. Months have gone by without me writing anything because I was afraid. Afraid of what other people would think. I can’t think that way anymore. I’m going to talk about stuff that makes me happy and fuck everyone else. If nail polish makes me happy, I’m talking about it. If I feel like going on about my hair, that is what I am going to do, so there. I no longer care about what people might think, whether I’m shallow or not. I. Just. Don’t. Care.
I am alive. I am lucky as hell to be alive. I don’t care that I’m getting older anymore because at least I’m getting old. THANK You SWEET JESUS.
As part of my “not dead yet” celebration, I booked myself for a makeover at Sephora. Getting a makeover is sort of like going on a blind date with yourself. You don’t know if the face you walk out with will be Lady Gaga or Loren Bacall.
I had a great consultant and I came with an open mind. Here’s what I learned:
- Start with your eyes. That way, if your hands shake, sneeze mascara on your cheeks, or the eye shadow crumbles, you can still clean it up with makeup remover and a Q-tip. No problem bitches.
- You’re old, I get it, but use eyeliner. I had stopped using black eyeliner because of how harsh it looked. But My Lady Sephora shared some awesome new eyeliners with me. They are Sephora brand, extremely soft going on and waterproof up to 24 hours which means it will not gouge your eyelid going on or end up on your face. Try the Sephora Eyeliner in Cappuccino or Diving in Malaysia. There are 34 colors in all and many colors in the mid-ranges with are good for us older chicks.
- All mascaras are not created equal. I bought into the idea that all mascaras are the same. Wrong! Two coats of Dior’s Diorshow mascara and I look like I have the eye lashes of a 20-year-old.
- Use primer. Use that shit all over your face. Get primers for each of your facial areas: eye shadow, face, and lips. You might be asking yourself, why can’t I use my face primer on my eyelids? Well, you can but then you’d be dumb. Here’s why: because the eyelid primer is made like a rock star to keep that eye shadow crap from bunching or ending up in your eye cracks. Are your eyelids the same as your lips? Hell no, so don’t use the one primer on all areas. Here’s what I use and it’s magical:
Eyes: Urban Decay Primer Potion | Face: Lancôme Perfect Primer | Lips: Too Faced Lip Primer
- Use brushes. They make makeup brushes for a reason– to paint your face. Get your inner artist on and use those brushes! Putting eye shadow on with a brush is easy. You need to think of the eye shadow as paint and then dab dab dab in little circular brush strokes. Just like with paint brushes, you can clean your brushes with water and make up remover. Nice.
- Foundational support is good for your face as well as your boobs. If you are past 40 like I am, your face is going to start needing all the help you can give it. I won’t get all preachy about sunscreen here because this is a makeover, people. Anyway, my Sephora magic master schooled me on some foundation that rocks my world. I was using a very creamy BB cream from the drug store and by 3 pm my face was as OILY as a teenagers. Gross. The new foundation I bought is by Make Up For Ever for Face and Body. The formula is really light and it is absolutely invisible on my skin, something about the way it dries mimics skin. Apparently you can use it on your body as well for tattoos you want to cover up and varicose veins and shit.
- Bronzer doesn’t have to be scary. After the accident, I heard “you look so pale/tired/scared” all the time. It’s hard enough to get old without people always commenting on how shitty you look. Bust a move with a teeny bit of bronzer and they will shut the hell up. I got the Laura Mercier Baked Blush Bronzer. Lil’ tip here: swipe the bronzer just once with a brush then knock most of it off, maybe swipe a tissue with the brush for good measure. You do not want to over-do this. Start with just the teeniest bit of bronzer under your cheek bones and an even tinier bit all over the parts of your face that the sun would naturally hit. You can always build up to more color but it’s hard to undo.
- Add color to your face. Neutrals are okay and all. But make your inner 17-year old happy and put a little color on your face. I use this awesome peachy pink blush from Sephora’s brand in Rose Petal 08. Swipe that shit right on the apples of your cheeks. Paired with the bronzer it will make you look like you had a couple of orgasms.
- Speaking of orgasms. They are amazing, and right below them on the scale of amazing is this lipstick: Yves Saint Laurent Volupte Sheer Candy Glossy Balm in Tasty Raspberry. Erghmagawd, if you only can buy one fancy make up item this year, it must be this balm. Is it lip balm or lipstick or magic in a tube? Hell if I know. It smells good, tastes good, and goes on sooo creamy. I have advised everyone I know to bring this to me on my death-bed so that my last moments on this earth will be filled with joy. I am serious. It is sheer but not invisible and will make you feel like rainbows are shooting out of your butt.
I’ve gotten a lot of comments in the few days since the makeover as I’ve practiced the tips, so I must be doing something right. It’s made me feel better so I feel like buying all of this expensive stuff has been worth it. Take care of yourselves and do shit that makes you happy!