How to shove lots of super-foods into your pie-hole for breakfast

I kind of suck at blogging. I have like three whole seconds to devote to crafting witty posts and make sure they hit all the marks of a good blog. Whatevs. I am just too busy to care. And for the faint of heart, this post is full of F-bombs because I am cranky right now and know that nobody else is going to make dinner and I am so sick and tired of doing it. So there. You’ve been warned.

Let’s talk about breakfast in the morning. What a joke. Our family has one bathroom and four people and it’s a big fat hassle to do my hair and makeup. So I’m pretty fucking cranky by the time I have to make food. Coffee, yes, I can see the return on that. Caffeine = good. Breakfast? Not so much. Also, I am totally not ready to eat at 7 am. So breakfast has to be both fast and portable and hopefully include chocolate. I used to grab a meal bar on my way out the door but have you read the ingredients in those things? Um, SUGAR, with some extra fructose. Plus, a bunch of ingredients I can’t identify. Total crap.

nuggets

Nuggets in their cups

So I decided to come up with my own recipe for breakfast nuggets. But I am not a very good cook to be honest. I need recipes to be as fool-proof as possible. I read an interesting recipe for gluten-free pancakes online which consisted of just a smashed banana and an beaten egg. I figured if that worked (and I know they do ‘cuz I love them) then it would work as my base for breakfast bars. So here it goes:

Super-food breakfast nuggets

Ingredients:

  • 1 ripe banana (mashed)
  • 1 egg (beaten)
  • 2 T. peanut butter (lick that spoon, bitches)
  • 1/4 c. almond flour
  • 1 1/2 – 2 c. old fashioned oatmeal
    Plus assorted super-foods including but not limited to:
  • Roasted coconut chips (sample them, so yummy)
  • Dark chocolate (chopped and taste-tested)
  • Chia seeds
  • Flax meal
  • Apples (chopped)
  • Cinnamon
You can buy all this shit at Trader Joe's.

You can buy all this shit at Trader Joe’s.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. With a fork (I’m not fancy), mix the first 4 ingredients together in a bowl. Add the oats until the batter/dough is the consistency of cookie dough. If you don’t know what that consistency looks like, think chunky. Include small amounts of the last six ingredients as desired (1 T or so, except for the chocolate – just load them up because you deserve it).

Spoon even amounts of dough into a greased muffin tin. (I used a mini-muffin tin and got 12 “nuggets”.) Bake for about 6-10 minutes, but watch these fuckers cuz’ they burn easy. And it’s just egg, people, you don’t need to cook the crap out of them.

When they are cool, stick 2-3 nuggets in those little snack baggies that you accidentally bought last week that you thought were sandwich bags. Now you are ready to grab a bag on the way out the door and eat it in the car. If you are lucky, they will not crumble and you will not have a chocolate chip lodge itself on your shirt somewhere only to be discovered later, melted, by some coworker who wants to know if you ate a candy bar for breakfast. It’s not like I’ve had that happen or anything. Geesh.

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