Broken and busted

Since the stupid car accident, grey hairs having been spouting up like weeds, I have a belly that looks like I’m 4 months pregnant, and I get a new back problem like every three days. I open a window and BAM my neck pinches. Ride a bike and WHAM my butt pulls my lower back into a spasm. I don’t know if all this shit is due to the roll-over itself, but I was doing just fine for YEARS before this and now I am a delicate fucking flower.

I have prided myself on being in fairly good shape for my age so to find myself in this position is fairly humbling. Not only was I clearly smoking crack about how great a state I was in, I am now having to face the facts about what lies ahead.

Time to wake up and face the facts:

  • Perimenopause is knocking on my door. I hate getting old. HATE it. But I cannot deny that I am playing around the edges of hormonal disaster. The grey hairs, the belly fat: both of these are signs of hormonal changes. Maybe the accident made the force fields fall on my life and that’s why all of this is happening much faster than it was before or maybe it would have happened anyway. I have no idea. Suuuucks though.
  • I am not that strong physically. I need to work out more, and not so I can lose weight or look superduper sexy. But for the pure and simple reason that I need to be able to clean a bathtub or pick up a book off the floor without breaking by back. I need to become physically stronger so I can be planting flowers when I’m 93.
  • I need to stop doing it all. I’ve “powered through it” for much too long. I have been an expert at pushing through the pain, getting a million things done at once, doing it all, doing it better, never resting. I can’t do it anymore. It’s kind of a joke how much I cannot do it anymore.

What am I doing about it? Well, I’ve been doing a little research about everything from hormones to detox foods to strength training for old chicks. I am already about 1/2 way there and have the right attitude, so incorporating some things are going to be easy whereas others might take more work. Here’s what I’m looking at:

  • Eating for health. I eat fairly well already except for the sugary chocolatey foods at night, the EXCESSIVE amounts of salt, and the Splenda bath I take everyday. I’m not quite ready to give up the salt (pink Himalayan salt is the bomb) but I can cut out the crappy sweets and chemical non-sugar. I tried stevia when it first came out and thought, “ermagawd totally gross!” But I bought it again from Trader Joes yesterday and it tasted okay. Maybe they changed the formula or maybe they geared it towards the taste palette of old chicks. I also bought shit piles of fruit and berries and even make some real whipped cream to replace the other desserts. Plus, giving up the sucralose means no more Crystal light drinks and so I’m downing the water pure and simple. That’s gotta be good for something, right? Let’s see if I feel better after a few weeks.
  • Get stronger. I’ve got some bad-ass exercise equipment hiding in the garage so it’s time to make Mike drag it into the light and dust it off. I think using the exercise bike is on hold because of the weird seated position it puts me in (which does create back weirdness), but I can stand up on the elliptical just fine. I think if I can build up my core muscles maybe my body will stop relying on my spine so much. And as much as I love my friends, I am probably not going to join a fancy pilates class or yoga studio where I might be required to wear spandex across my big ole butt.

I’m not trying to be all preachy and shit about how good I’m going to do. I guess the point of this blog is more about how as women we keep this stuff secret. We don’t like to talk about the tougher side of life. I found that true when I had babies too. No one ever tells you how HARD it is to take care of babies and how bad it SUCKS sometimes. How much you can love and hate a baby all at the same time. Aging is the same way. We all silently go through this and no one seems to talk about it. We cover up the grey hair and act like nothing has changed. But everything is changing.